Marriage – A Writer's Daughter

An Ice Skating Love Story

He grew up in a northern US city with plenty of naturally frozen skating spots all winter, and her childhood in Canada was replete with abounding enthusiasm and opportunities for ice skating over many winter months each year. With mutual friends from church, he asked her out on their first date to go ice skating. Wasting no time for feelings to melt, he gave her a Valentines Day card shortly following the skating date. Their romance quickly swirled into an engagement on her June birthday, and they married at the end of that summer. Their honeymoon included time in Lake Placid where they skated together at the indoor Olympic rink.

That first February ice skating date happened more than six decades ago. My parents continued to enjoy skating together over many of those years. They shared their love of ice skating with us kids. Virginia winters were milder than their hometowns, but we skated on rinks, and occasionally on the Washington Monument reflecting pool and the nearby C & O canal in years when they froze over. I remember buying my own full-size, good quality leather skates during a visit to family in Canada.

My parents also shared with us what it means to be married: “one man, one woman, one lifetime,” as Pastor Jeff at my church succinctly put it. Like pairs skating, marriage is magical, elegant, sensual, rhythmic, and risky – a dynamic partnership. There will also be bumps and bruises along the way. Marriage requires endurance and stamina, like the long program in skating competition. Couples can’t skate by on infatuation alone.

Marriage is God’s good and natural design for us, His creation (Genesis 2 v 24). Love is laced throughout the Scriptures. You’ll find romantic love stories and Solomon’s PG-13 passionate song in the Old Testament. Themes and analogies of weddings, the bride, and marital joy, commitment, and purity weave through the New Testament. Ultimately, we find God’s sacrificial love for us in the familiar verse John 3:16

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. NLT

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your beautiful love story. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for loving us enough to give us your Son, Jesus.

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Wedding Reflections

These last weeks have been a needed time of rest and reflection for me as well as joyful remembering! In May our son and his bride married in a beautiful Southern wedding in Florence, South Carolina. Seven weeks later, we hosted our daughter’s wedding in Virginia’s historic Piedmont region. With some trepidation but much excitement we experienced a double season of engagements, showers, guest lists and invitations, rehearsal dinners, and beautiful ceremonies surrounded by family and friends. There is the expression “showers of blessing” but we had a deluge!

Weddings are joyful celebrations but they require a great deal of planning, taking a great deal of time. Our daughter-in-law and her family took on the first wedding but the second one was ours to coordinate in just three and a half months. I credit the groom and bride and others for their extensive efforts but I knew a lot of the wedding work was my responsibility and it was a daunting task. Several perspectives kept us sane and upbeat in those busy planning days.

First of all we focused on the reason for our work: a young couple had found each other and committed to a future together. Many prayers had preceded this finally happening and it was the happiest of events for us. It was important to see this as a marriage more than a wedding. We wanted a fun party, but the priority was to launch a lasting marriage; Scripture tells us that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).

And if you’ve been in a wedding season recently yourself you know there is no end to the trimmings for today’s weddings. Pinterest, Etsy and Amazon, bridal magazines and The Knot and Zola have advertised every detail you’ve never thought of! Together with the bride and groom, we purposed to plan a lovely event without overdoing it. As the saying goes, our intent was to bless, not impress.

Personally, I had to get serious to accomplish a lot of tasks quickly. Though I like organizing and planning, I knew a wedding in three months required laser-like focus, which is not my natural style. I had my teaching job, home/family responsibilities and other commitments but I dropped all optional activities and pastimes to get going. I also encouraged myself that since this was God’s plan, it could be done in time. I could think of the two weddings a few different ways: a spring wedding, then a summer wedding; about three months apart (May, June, July); or I could say less than three months apart; just seven weeks between them. Maintaining perspective kept me positive. For the most part we all did pretty well working together, being patient, and coming to agreement on many decisions.

A candid from her ‘dry run’ and portrait day.

As the main details came together, we enjoyed wonderful moments of celebration and beauty. Gift giving, creating and decorating, parties and getting pretty filled many hours with joy, togetherness and prayer. My husband and I continued with life beyond wedding planning too. It gets old when every dinner conversation covers the latest wedding expenses and selections. In the course of our wedding season, we managed to get out to two local car shows and host a campaign event. There were hospital visits and a funeral to attend as well. While we experienced joy others faced pain.

He entitled this photo “real men wear pink.”

Gratitude best sums up this season of weddings. We are thankful to God for the gift of spouses for our children. We have witnessed their Christian marriage according to God’s design. From the very beginning God established marriage with the words, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh,” (Genesis 2:24). Be assured that we realize life will have its challenges for them and for us, but we have been glad, very “glad, in the day the Lord has made,” (Psalm 118:24)!

This Season

Those of you who do not know me personally may be wondering what happened to me and my blog writing. As of mid-March, wedding plans took over my free time. Our son got married in May and our daughter became engaged in March and began plans to marry in early July! It is a fun, happy and exciting time for us but it is also very busy, and at times, a bit stressful. It humors me that in our 32nd year of parenting the two weddings would come less than 2 months apart! But the possibility of two upcoming weddings crossed my mind even last fall before either of the ‘kids’ were engaged: I created one of my passwords using a plural reference to weddings. I will return to writing and sharing as soon as the preparations end, but for now, know that I am fine and we are busy. Enter into our joy!

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: … a time to laugh … and a time to dance” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Life, Love and Loss

Contrasts. For me, the juxtaposition of opposite ideas, experiences or images ignites comprehension and awakens emotions. Sunsets display beautiful contrasts as fading light bounces off of the darkening horizon. Many foods pair contrasting flavors of sweet with salty or spicy. Home decorators prominently place accents of contrasting color, like the orange touches I’ve added to a bedroom of mauve. Contrasts cause me to contemplate.

Last month, I saw two friends in greatly contrasting situations. The one friend is quite young and has just had her first baby. We visited together and I watched her care for her newborn with mothering skill that was becoming more natural for her. We talked about her new life. She’s enjoyed a season of being at home. We discussed her marriage and the very great transition husbands and wives go through, from footloose couplehood to the parenting responsibilities of a threesome family. They ponder jobs, a home, more children and keeping their romance alive. New parenthood brings joy, wonder, adjustment and a changed reality.

The day after seeing my young friend and her baby, I attended a memorial service for the husband of a long-time acquaintance. Through social media, I was aware that her husband had been diagnosed with cancer but I had not spent any time with them in years. The couple was set up by friends because “they were from the same state, were both tall, and both liked to laugh.” It was a perfect match and love endured for 27 good years. With amazing composure, the widow shared fun and meaningful stories of those nearly three decades together. The couple came to understand that God’s timing for his life would be shorter than they had envisioned but their faith assured them of God’s plan in even this loss.

So life conflicted with loss; a baby’s arrival contrasting a husband’s passing; a cradle and a casket. But life and loss can be mastered by love. I don’t mean to say that loss is easy. Death, especially untimely bereavement, is tragic and devastating. Love isn’t replaced but it isn’t lost either. My widowed friend read this Scripture to summarize the faith and love she and her husband shared: “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12: 9 – 11