Living in a brand-new house accentuates even the smallest of flaws. Since everything is newly constructed and freshly painted, the imperfections, nicks and dirt really stand out. Mostly I notice and cringe at damage such as scratches on the wall or dings on moulding. Some of it happened even as the movers brought in our stuff and I won’t rant about those gashes, but most of the marks are from day-to-day wear that will occur in any home. We are the first residents, and our living here spoils the perfection and brings in dust and SAND!
These new blemishes remind me of a sermon I heard our former Pastor preach. Based on a verse* from the book Song of Solomon, he talked about the danger of “the little foxes” in our lives, those ‘little’ sins we consider harmless. But the verse goes on to say that the foxes spoil the vine and need to be caught before they harm the grapes. Fox cubs may seem innocuous in a garden, but they are destructive enough to ruin a vineyard and probably a year’s livelihood.
Could the “little foxes” be the seemingly minor sins like partial disclosure, grumbling, resentment or discontent, the wayward eye? Those aren’t The Big Ten anyway! But the Bible tells us that all commandments matter and a “spoiled vine” turns into a dead plant or at least one without fruit, rather useless. Little sins, like little stains, taint and must be cleaned up quickly.
As I researched for this blog post, I came across an interesting application from a good Bible resource called GotQuestions.org: “Take preventative measures to protect this love from anything that could harm it.” “Little foxes that spoil the vine” is out of one of the Bible’s love stories, Song of Solomon. The “little foxes” directive may refer to relationships or marriage. The little things like harsh words, going to bed angry, unforgiveness and selfishness badly mar relationships quite quickly, like the gash from a table leg on a spotless hallway wall! I was surprised to realize this context and it was a reminder I needed to hear.
I will have to live with a house that gets dirty and damaged but spiritually we lean on Jesus’ power to rid us of thoughts and actions that spoil our lives. *Song of Solomon 2:15
I like this cute quip in my home and I think the spiritual equivalent is “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”.
Last Tuesday I received the blue and green postcard shown in my feature photo. The state of Virginia sent it to our household offering services for anyone suffering emotionally or psychologically due to fallout from the COVID-19 pandemic. Getting that mailer, realizing that the state formed a helpline, surprised me and yet it didn’t. Just within the past week I’ve had conversations and seen discussions or posts about depression among teenagers, demise and death among the elderly in quarantine, of suicide attempts, and concerns about children’s social development. Many talk half in jest, but with a note of truth, about the summer that wasn’t or about cancelling 2020. I have heard “Will I ever see them again?” or “Will I ever go there again?” Even Dunkin’ Donuts is jumpstarting Pumpkin Spice Latte season early this fall to boost public morale! We seem to be at a breaking point. What is wrong?
Although “stay home, stay safe” is positively promoted, long-term isolation is dangerous. For more than five months now, people have sheltered in place ordering food and supplies on-line, worked and learned from home, socialized virtually and watched streamed church services. With the internet and social media, it seemed that folks could live normally in a distance bubble, but the outcomes reveal differently. People aren’t healthy alone.
Yes, we have texting threads, phone calls by the hours, Facetime and Skype with video chats, ZOOM meetings and the like for interaction but it’s not the same as being together. God created us for community with Him and with humankind (Genesis 1:26-27, 1 John 1:3). Experiencing friends and family in person, not just through screenshots or phonelines, keeps us alive. Think about how God gave us five senses. You can remember the scent of your grandparents, the smells of dormitory life, and the odors of sweaty teammates. Flavors are memorable too: holiday dinners, romantic coffee dates, bitter medicine, childhood popsicles. Human touch is necessary as well, yet we have gone from being hug happy to physical aversion.
It is not easy to decipher the many messages about the Corona virus and its contagious nature. We do our best to stay informed, to choose reasonable precautions and to obey regulations. But if it is safely possible, choose to be with your friends and family. Make coffee dates with friends at outdoor cafes. Meet up with folks for picnics. Open your windows and doors and have company for dinner. Take long walks with neighbors. I do understand that some of you reading this cannot do these things because of restrictions at your residence, employment regulations, severe health risks or other restraints. We all must reach out in secondary ways when ‘in-person’ isn’t possible but I hope that you’ll have that chance to visit, to sit together, to share a meal, to see, smell, touch those to whom you are close. Virginia cares … and so do I!
Lexicon is a word that may not be in your lexicon. Though it sounds like a type of unicorn, the word means the collective vocabulary of a person. As a teacher of English language learners, words and language intrigue me.
I am intrigued by a new phrase that seems to have crept into the modern lexicon. The phrase “of course” is now used as a response to “thank you.” The words “of course” are not new, but this context and connotation is a recent development. I have experienced this response especially in service situations. I say “thank you” to someone for ringing up my transaction or providing information and “of course” is the reply. Typically, the response to “thank you” was “you’re welcome” or in a service situation, “my pleasure.” The “of course” I have heard carries an air of arrogance as in, “Don’t degrade me with your gratitude” or “Wouldn’t you expect me to do this – it’s my job.” Is some of it tone? Is it generational? Probably yes to both.
Tone of voice is everything. Not too long ago I answered a family member with what I thought was a respectful reply. Unintentionally however, my words sounded terse and communicated impatience. Looking back, I could attribute my tone to both physical discomfort (overeating) and frustration with this same kind of request in the past. I spoke acceptable words but said them with an air of irritation and it was wrong. With my manner of speaking, I wounded a relationship.
God tells us that the right words spoken at the right time, in the right tone, paint a lovely still life portrait:
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Proverbs 25:11
May God give us grace and wisdom for our speech. I believe that gratitude (thank you) and courtesy (you’re welcome) should continue to be “apples of gold” in our daily lexicon. Please teach these phrases to the little ones in your life. Thank you.
I received this dictionary as a gift for high school graduation. I have used it ever since.
What is your favorite children’s book? It might be a story from your childhood or a book you’ve enjoyed reading to children, yours or someone else’s.
Children’s literature is a wonderful genre. I remember a few books from my childhood but a college course that we called “kiddie lit” introduced me to a world of great stories and talented authors. Ever since, I have been reading children’s books to my own kids and to students. At school, reading a text to students is referred to as a “read aloud” and all students, no matter their age, seem to love it. I continue to expand my familiarity with children’s literature. I observe what students are reading and browse the library. I try to read several children’s novels each year. Usually the stories are an easy, pleasurable read yet important and deep themes emerge. Children’s literature reflects current thought and trends.
As I meet my new students at the beginning of the year, I like to share the book Whoever You Are by Mem Fox with them. In simple picture book form, Mem Fox portrays how children from all parts of the world are different in looks, language and culture. The story climaxes with the human similarities of all children: smiles, tears, and love. The ending depicts the children as grown-ups, getting along and working together. The quirky illustrations emphasize the message candidly.
Kids love the fun pictures in the book.
In America, we experience a lot of harmony within our diversity. A rainbow of children go to school together every day and are successful in learning and making community. Neighbors across America, with various languages and different faiths, dwell in peace. Workers of multiple nationalities and differing political views get the job done and enjoy each other’s company while doing it. Recently the media has accentuated a few difficult racial and political uprisings. Commentators clash over who hates who more. I believe the news has actually incited hostility by continually replaying the same emotional footage. Yes, there are wounds to heal but the American people generously live out our motto “E Pluribus Unum.”
America’s foundational principles of unity and equality are Biblical. God commanded the citizens of Israel to provide for those outside of their nationality (Leviticus 19:34). Jesus’ ministry often reached out to folks on the fringe of society; the Samaritan woman, for example (John 4:1-42). And the first church was known for its unique ethnic and economic diversity (Galatians 3:28).
If you haven’t read a children’s book lately, head to the bookstore or
Reading at a PTA fundraiser.
library and treat yourself. For an extra bonus, share it with a child. Look out for fall book celebrations too. My area has two good ones: Fall for the Book put on by Fairfax and George Mason University and The National Book Festival sponsored by the Library of Congress. These conferences always include children’s features.
I write this final episode of my series “Who Runs Across Your Path” with a sense of sadness. The story ends unexpectedly.
A couple of summers ago my husband and I were attending our church’s Independence Day and military appreciation service. We had a guest with us and the auditorium was packed. We were seated in a section different from our usual spot. Amid the patriotic music and special features, I noticed a woman sitting a few seats away. She was alone. Her attire suggested to me that she was not American-born. As the service progressed, the woman remained on my mind. I wondered if she had a family or any connections within our church. Maybe she was just visiting that Sunday. Towards the end of the hour, I realized my husband and I would be rushing out with the crowd; we were taking our guest to lunch. I got one of my teacher business cards out of my purse and jotted down my phone number and email. I added a note that went something like, “If you need any help, please give me a call.” As the postlude, “Stars and Stripes Forever” began, we hurried out and I handed the woman my note.
Two weeks later I had an email in my Inbox; subject line: My Angel. (See blog post “Once, Twice, Three Times an Angel” 09/29/16). It was the woman from church. She wrote that she had been praying for some help. My offer was divine intervention for her! Through email, we made plans to meet at church in a few Sundays. Our first visit went very well. She was easy to talk to and there was plenty for us to find out. I had offered to help and her ‘need’ was to embark on a jewelry creation she envisioned. I have no experience in jewelry-making so I knew I was not that answer for her. We did, however, chat over her ideas and how she might accomplish them.
Fatima’s daughter shared this picture of her with me.
We continued to meet on Sundays. Her name was Fatima. She worked as a nanny and had been living in the area for about 20 years. She had first come to the States with Indian diplomats providing childcare. Fatima had been widowed very young and diplomatic employment was a good way to support her young child. She left a little daughter in India with her mother to make a living for them. As the years went on, she nannied for different families. Now, her immigration status was undocumented but good work for her back in India was scarce. Nannying had allowed Fatima to provide well for her daughter, who was now grown and practicing law in India. There was a strange way in which I was getting to know Fatima’s daughter at this time too. When I would email Fatima to plan to meet or check in on her, I was actually emailing her daughter. Her daughter would read the email to her mom on the phone and Fatima would tell her how to reply to me!
Then a season of great difficulty beset Fatima. The children she cared for outgrew the need for a nanny. The family tried to assist her with finding a new job but in a changing world of more daycares and increased focus on immigrant status, nothing materialized. She had occasional babysitting jobs but little else. Local relatives did not give help. I connected Fatima with an immigration lawyer at church but there were few options. I still saw her at church where we talked and prayed. At one point she was hired as a live-in for a family but they were cruel and overworked her and refused to give her food. Fatima suffered again. How could I help this soul who just ‘ran across my path’? We offered to bring her to our home for a weekend. I gave her grocery money. Sitting with her, talking and listening did the most good I think. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity.” She was encouraged and not alone; she kept her faith.
Eventually a promising live-in nanny position came up. She moved in with a kind family. They treated her well and she loved caring for their young children. They began to teach her computer skills which she enjoyed. She had scheduled days off for rest, during which she told me she loved to read the Bible. My friend was now in a safe and hopeful place. Her new dream was to save up enough money to return to India and live with her adult daughter.
Things turned out unexpectedly. I got an email from Fatima’s daughter telling me she had died. Fatima became ill and her employing family took her for medical treatment but she passed away a short time later at their home. I think years of hardship had weakened her small frame and Fatima’s body could fight no longer. The daughter immediately filed paperwork for a visa to come to the US. About 10 days later she arrived in the States and stayed with local family. Fatima’s present and former employing families shared much information about Fatima’s life and work with her daughter. The daughter also visited church and met Fatima’s friends. She gathered her mother’s things, completed paperwork, and received her mother’s ashes.
I met Fatima’s daughter and her cousin for coffee. She looked like her mother and I recognized the smile and laugh. We talked lightly; I did not know how much her mother had divulged about her past hardships. I offered my condolences to a daughter who had barely been with her mother. But Fatima had greatly loved and sustained her only child from afar.
Who runs across your path? A lot of people do. We can’t touch them all but when God prompts you to reach out, do it! Through it, God uses you, He teaches you, and He blesses you. Amen.
This is a favorite photo of mine: my toddlers walking together.
This is the second story in my series about the random intersection of lives. Our paths intersect with other people’s paths and this sometimes leads to opportunity. My first story was a runner’s story but we cross ways with souls no matter how we’re moving.
The free Continental breakfast offered at many American motels is the modern version of Canterbury Tales. Chaucer’s characters were on a pilgrimage and their life stories and personalities met as they progressed toward their destination. At the hotel breakfast bar, travelers usually don’t have the same destination, but they do have being on the road in common. Fairly easily, I’ve observed, folks tend to talk over the cheap pastries and boxed cereal; stories emerge.
We were out of town overnight, taking advantage of the free breakfast in the lobby, when I began to catch on to a conversation near me. I much prefer people watching over the din of TV’s streaming network news. Two travelers struck up a conversation. The one, whom I will call a Listener, asked the other about her travels. She responded by saying that her son and his girlfriend had been in a motorcycle accident. The Mother’s son was transported to the nearby university hospital and she was staying at the motel in order to visit her son. The Listener took very serious interest in the Mother’s story. She dug up all the information about the crash and the injuries sustained. The Mother shared the involved story without hesitation. I imagine that being away from home, she hadn’t had anyone to talk to in person about the accident, except busy hospital staff.
Then the Listener’s husband showed up at breakfast. The Listener immediately began to recount the Mother’s saga to him. In great detail, she filled him in on the Mother’s situation staying at the hotel and explained the son’s injuries. At one point I saw her pointing to her leg, verifying with the Mother, the son’s condition. Repeating the story with such passion and detail validated the Mother’s distress and communicated tremendous empathy.
At this point, it was time for us to leave and continue our journey. I was left wondering why the Listener had stepped into the Mother’s story. The Listener, while clearly the personable type, did not strike me as nosy. Her chattiness seemed genuine and she really did focus on all that the Mother had been through. I did not get to see the end so I don’t know if the Listener got involved at a more material or spiritual level but I am sure that the Mother left the breakfast bar full, not just from breakfast, but satisfied because someone cared enough to hear her heart.
The Bible says we are to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15) and that is just what the Listener did for the Mother. Tears often draw tears from others. We are sensitive to loss and we express sympathy. But that Scripture text begins with the words “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15). It is not so easy to join in the happiness and success of others, especially if things aren’t going well for us. I recall my Pastor sharing about this difficulty. As an infant, his daughter developed a severe and life-threatening condition. He and his wife saw many specialist doctors and he told how in one waiting room, they conversed with another family. The other family had come for a follow-up appointment after their child had recovered. My pastor told how hard it was to rejoice with them when the outcome had not been the same for his suffering daughter.
As our paths cross with the lives and stories of others, we will encounter both their joys and sorrows. God asks us to join them in the moment. Be hopeful too, that God will send you sojourners to share your paths of joy or sorrow.
For another story where distressed travelers encountered Someone who cared, see Luke 24: 13-35.
It’s Wednesday night again. A group of men meet up weekly to support and encourage each other and find accountability for living out their faith. A football player turned pastor speaks each week. He tells Sooner and Gator team stories and pounds home the basics about confidence, family and purity. Sometimes he hits where it hurts, but the guys love him!
This Wednesday is a winner. One of the guys, Harley, gets a call from his wife just as the group gets started. The police have showed up at his house. Harley guesses it concerns one of their sons. Harley uses public transportation to get around since his driver’s license was revoked, so one of the guys will have to drive him home now for the police search or questioning or whatever. Sure enough, several cruisers await Harley’s return.
RJ, another of the guys, reports that he was pulled over as he drove in. When the cop checked out his license, it turned up as expired. RJ is not sure what happened with the expiration date or paperwork but he’s worried about the fees; he’s still looking for a job. The guys assure RJ they will cover any costs he can’t, so that he will be able to drive and secure a good job.
Charles attends most weeks. He was recruited to the group by one of the guys. They worked at the same company and the co-worker had been especially caring during the summer Charles spent in an alcohol rehab program. There is new concern though; it seems that Charles is drinking again, even this night.
So what’s going on with these men? Are they all a bunch of losers? Well, yes and no. We all have our issues. Everyone faces stuff. But these guys are winners in that they know where to be in order to heal and grow. Their hope is in applying God’s message to their messes. Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:17) If you’re not seeking out Jesus this Wednesday, it may be that you haven’t noticed your symptoms yet.
NOTE: Names and identifying details were altered but the events actually happened on one evening.
